Rise Up — Be an Eagle, Not a Pigeon

Do you want to be a pigeon, or an eagle? This therapy tip is about taking ownership of a problem.

One afternoon, a primary-school-aged boy on the autism spectrum who I work with on social skills and friendships was particularly upset. A group of boys at school wouldn't let him join in, no matter how hard he tried. Names were called both ways, and things kept escalating. By the time I saw him, he was in tears and deeply frustrated.

I went to speak with him about it, and he immediately deflected — “Can I tell you an animal fact?” I paused, then said, “Actually, I want to tell you an animal fact.” What's the difference between pigeons and eagles? Pigeons stay in groups, but they squabble constantly over scraps, fighting amongst themselves. An eagle is different. It flies alone. It's the strongest. It rises above the squabble entirely — it doesn't need to be part of that, doesn't waste its time on it. It gets what it wants by staying above the noise.

Those boys at school? They are pigeons. Watch, and you will start to see it. Be the eagle. Rise above them, and notice the change in yourself. You want a friend — but do you want a pigeon for a friend, or an eagle?

When I saw him again two weeks later, his family told me that nothing said to him before had landed quite the same way, or stuck with him quite so deeply. What made the difference was this: he couldn't stop the boys at school being unkind, but he could choose how he carried it. He could choose what he let take up space in his mind.

He still needs support navigating the playground day to day (see my other therapy tip — React or Respond). One's mind is a bit like a garden. Weeds — negative thoughts — will always appear. But you can keep them in check by pulling them out as they come, and your garden will be beautiful. What landed for him was having a problem presented in a way he understood, with a clear path forward: name the problem, propose a solution. He took ownership of it, and ran with it.

This kind of breakthrough doesn't come from a script — it comes from genuinely knowing the child in front of you, and meeting them where they are. That's what builds trust, and trust is what makes real change possible.